Motoring Through Life

KC Car Show 2011: Really?

2011-03-07T20:30:00.000-08:00

No a single flying ffing car. Very disappointing. But if there had been one it would not have been surprising, as we've been wanting and expecting those for the past 20 years. But what did blow my ffing mind was the fact that KIA and Hyundai had probably the best cars on show.

Stuart and I might be a bit of the old car snob, but we were both very impressed with the Koreans. The new Optima looked better than anything on the Toyota or Honda stand. In fact, the Accord sedan looked like a great big turd, albeit all shined up for the occasion.

Here's the best of the show:

Scooby looked the dog's bollox...would love to see mica blue and gold

Fiat 500 making an early appearance in the US

Like the Subaru motor above...ah, actually no

Citroen DS3 Racing....nope Chevy look-a-like

This was one of the best looking cars at the show

Hope to God they make it

What you say about my mama's fat ass?

Konnnneeessssiiiiiggggggg 9 5

XK R 175

Prototype car, 444MPG, by DeLaSalle High School

Can you believe a Kia was a head turner?

Polish Me Knob - Tim and I give the M3 some TLC

2011-03-05T19:45:00.000-08:00

I wanted our friend Tim, who has his own Car Detailing Business, to give the M3 some serious TLC at the end of the summer (2010) when I was thinking about selling it. We got her looking like new, then I pulled my listings as I couldn't part with her.

All the same, I think this Spring the M3 will have to go. Something a little more practical is in order. Even if she goes, we'll always have Paris, well Kansas City anyway, the Paris of the Prairies!

Tim Goes to work in Mandals

Bum polishing is his secret to a great finish!

Jack gives the final seal of approval!

Alfa-Romeo Gone Wild

2011-03-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

If there was the equivalent of a "Girls Gone Wild" for Alfa-Romeo cars then this might just be it. It was a gathering of local cars last summer in KC down at the old Vox Theatre on South West BLVD.

My English friend Stuart helped put the show together and had his Spider in the show. It rained and some of the cars weren't able to show, but the ones that did were beautiful.

I'd forgotten about these pictures and just found them this week. So go ahead, enjoy some good old fashioned Car Porn.

Car Stalker - Minneapolis-St. Paul

2010-09-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's true, when I see a cool car on the road and either I'm driving and the wife has the camera or vice-versa, I'll go miles out of my way to stalk my victims until I get a few choice shots.

This vintage Mini drove by us and since we were in our (new) Mini it just felt right to tag along for a few miles. It still amazes me how small the original Mini is compared to the modern version.

First they go by in the outside lane, should we follow? Of Course we should.

We almost lost them at this junction...

...but thankfully traffic slowed the nimble Mini down.

Then we got the money shot...it seriously felt like we were in a SUV compared to the older Mini, staring down at them from the towering heights of a Mini Cooper!

Then we let our prey go on its merry way, they went left, we went right.

So, if you were driving your beautiful vintage Mini back in June in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area and a blue and white Mini Cooper followed you for a few miles with a giant camera lens poking out the window, I apologize, but your car was just too awesome not to stalk.

Ode to the Truck - or America F#*K Yeah!

2010-08-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Trucks are to young Americans what hot-hatches and GTIs are to young Europeans and that is why I've grown to love and respect THE TRUCK.

You can pick up an old beater truck for under two grand and with a few hundred bucks here and there on maintenance you can have yourself a world of motorized independence. Which is after all, what America is all about.

These colors don't run...even in the rain

I love the arrogance of this truck...compacts only F NO!

Life gives you a hatch back...your American ingenuity and a welder gives you a TRUCK

Try doing this with a Gti

Truck, beer, sleeveless shirt with strip club logo...check, check and double check

And where else are you going to put all your stickers?

Rainy Day in Portland - what a surprise!

2010-08-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

We got dropped off somewhere on Hawthorne and walked down to Burnside. Lovely walk in the soft rain, reminded me of being at home in Ireland. But the surprise of the day was all the older classic European and Japanese cars sitting in drive ways and parked on side streets.

Here's a small sampling: Ford Fiesta MK 1, Peugeot 505 S, EVO IX (VIII?), VW Bus, Datsun (1500)Sports, Volvo 144, VW Karmann Ghia (two examples) and an Audi Quattro (love the plate).

Two American Classics

2010-08-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was walking around the Crossroads District in KC back in June for FIRST FRIDAY enjoying the art and live music when I came across these two within a block of each other.

The Chevy El Camino is one of those cars that some people absolutely love, yet others wouldn't touch it with a big stick. A car held in high esteem by NASCAR fans and ridiculed by snotty European sports sedan drivers. Vorsprung durch Technik it ain't.

Whatever side of the fence you happen to be find yourself on you have to appreciate the genius (madness) of putting a flatbed in a sedan and then stuffing it with a big thirsty engine. The stuff of live-rear-axle wet dreams.

And just in case The El Camino didn't live up to it Southern Boy Supercar image check out this sticker

And now for something completely different...

Follow this link to see what another GT40 owner in the KC area did to his car.

Crazy Irish Kids - How they sort out a car clamp

2010-07-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

My wee brother back in Ireland is a total car nut-junkie. Here's how he got himself out of some car clamp bother recently. Mad bollox!

Click Here If the video below does not play...youtube has been fecked this week!

New Car Porn

2010-07-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Haven't had a chance to post in ages...but I came across this tasty wee bit of car porn. Follow the link and be prepared to waste 15 minutes of your fine day.

Pike's Peak

I am 100% for sure, without a doubt, going to Pike's Peak in 2011.

Austin Healey Sprite

2010-06-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid in Ireland in the 1980s Austin did not translate to sexy. An Austin on the road meant a crappy little granny-Metro, a rusted out Allegro or a boring as feck Montego. So when I see a car like an Austin-Healey Sprite, I can't help but think "where they hell did BMC go wrong?"

This Mark I Sprite, the bugeye, was parked right across the road from the Lotus 7 look-a-like. I'd bet the two owners were out together enjoying the open top driving and the weather in KC is perfect for it this week. And in the same area were two showroom perfect examples of a Miata and a convertible Corvette.

Power-wise the Sprite would be left behind by all these cars, including the Miata, but sitting still on a beautiful sunny day, the Sprite wins all the prizes.

Lotus 7 lives on

2010-06-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

There were no badges on this little yellow beauty, so I couldn't tell if it was a Caterham, Westfield or other "kit car" as they are classified over here. But no matter what it was, it's Colin Chapman's Lotus 7: the ultimate expression of performance through light-weight

I saw this one in Brookside, Kansas City, with a touch of Americana on this English go-kart by the addition of a hood scoop. The scoop takes away from the pure lines of the 7, but no matter what it looks like, it's keeping the tradition alive.

The scoop leads me to believe it might be a SUPERSTALKER, which I'd never heard of until I did a minute of research. According to their website you can build one for about $18,000. The cheapest Caterham is about $28,00 sans engine and gearbox and go all the way up to over $60,000 for the R500. So if this is a SuperStalker it's a relative bargain compared to the English versions.

Looks like a toy car sitting between these two modern cars

Mercury is Dead: What's for dinner Honey?

2010-06-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

Mercury, the subsidery of Ford, not the planet, has effectively been silently killed off this week. No one is talking about it, 'cause nobody cares. Crap, even Saturn had a bigger going away party.

For too long Mercury(s) were just re-badged Fords, which were not such great cars in the first place. And where did it fit in the family line between Ford-Lincoln-Mercury; was it a step up or a step down? Often they were a few hundred bucks less than the blue oval versions, other models were more costly.

The last decent looking Mercury was the 8th edition of the Cougar, but favored by cougars, not drivers, and that will always kill a sports car/coupe (are you listening Mistubishi Eclipse?).

The only Mercury I ever had a crush on was the Mercur badged XR4ti. It wasn't a huge sales hit, unlike the European Sierra counterpart, but when you are lucky enough to see one on the road today it still looks amazing. Sure, loads of gear heads had a boner when the 2003 Marauder came out, but it looked like a 1987 cop car. So that makes it lame, especially when you could have gone to the auctions and picked up an actual Crown Vic Interceptor for about two grand at the time.

Well, only the only person to blame is parent company Ford who decided the Mercury brand was only good enough for retirees who didn't give a damn how a car looked or drove. The kind of customer, who due to Alzheimer's is not even going to remember that they used to drive a Mercury Sable, or where they parked it.

R.I.P. Mercury, say hello to Pontiac and Saab in car heaven for us.

Even this commercial looks like it was made by a Youtube Fanboy.

BMW Art Car on 39th Street

2010-05-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

This car started out life as an E36 318is and Artist Ryan has turned it into what he calls "Half-Art Car, Half-Rat." He uses it as his daily driver and puts different pieces on the roof rack to keep the art alive.

BMW art cars have a long history and the current marketing campaign for the new Z4 is tapping into it, so it's good to see such a young BMW enthusiast pumping out his own work. Some of his smaller pieces were amazing too, especially the re-imagined 3.0 CSL etched on the rusty slab of metal. Might have to save up a few bucks and get one of these.

The artist had a whole wall of ideas, inspirations, rough sketches, media-collages and random thoughts on the world of art and the automobile. They also had another 3 series BMW in the show room being worked on connecting everyday mechanics to the aesthetic in life.

To contact the artist about his work, email Ryan Lawrence at nosamind@gmail.com

The Transporter - Spotted on a Mission

2010-05-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

I saw this license plate and it cracked me up. Could you imagine this guy in his Mazda 3 kicking ass and causing the kinda of mayhem and destruction usually reserved for Jason Statham and his German auto-sidekicks.

You Can Fix It...no one's gonna help

2010-05-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

Our old truck, dubbed The Great White Hope affectionately by friends, sits around for weeks at a time gathering snow, bird poop, pollen, honey suckle flowers, wind-blown seeds, until someone calls and inevitable says "Hey, I was wondering, but could I borrow your truck." The call every truck owner learns by heart.

When I bought the truck I let all my friends know that the truck was there to be used, just put some gas in it and go. So when someone does give me a call it also gives me an excuse to lash a bit of sideways TLC on the G DUB H.

Today, I washed it and waxed between the rust spots, vacuumed the bench seat, Rain-Xed all the glass and polished the dash. Then I got carried away and started to clean inside the engine bay too, which is like the old phrase "polishing a turd."

A few months back my hood was sticking open and I asked some of my mechanically minded friends to see if they could fix it and brought it to Jiffy Lube, after all they do open a lot of hoods. Everyone offered their advice from "You need a new hood" to "Your hood needs readjusting, just need to take her off and bla, bla, bla..." Needless to say I did none of these things and drove around all Winter and Spring with it popped up an inch or two playing hell with my already shitty gas mileage.

Then today I sprayed a dab of DW 40 into the locking mechanism and jiggled it about and slammed it down once or twice and then had the genius idea to tug on the inside hood catch. It clicked and I thought "Just maybe" and I slammed the hood down once more. Eu-fucking-reka it worked.

Fixing the hood gave me a great, smug sense of satisfaction, knowing that I let the Great White Hope survive for at least another round.

The Great White Hope...you know you want some

Fiat's New Marketing Strategy

2010-05-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

With Fiat merging with Chrysler to form a company destined to produce some serious ugly duckling joint-venture cars, it's nice to see they are sparing no expense to make their presence known in the US market.

Well, I'll take '86 Croma, a new Panda 100hp and a '97 Bravo please and thank you

Can't wait to see the new Alfa-Romeo marketing campaign: Buy two, get one free and a yard of mulch.

CCI Motorsports - Kansas City

2010-05-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

The back tires on the M3 were more than shot, in fact they looked like an old bald guy's head. Since I put hardly any miles on the car I was in no rush to change them. Then a dirty, big bollox of a nail last week expedited my decision!

I found a great deal on a pair of Yohohamas online and called Pete over at CCI Motorsport to switch them over. The guys at CCI Motorsport are real car lovers and if you're looking for more performance from your car or have tire and wheel issues these are the people to call.

They had a 700BHP Camaro up on the lift when I was there and were just starting a project to make a 1200BHP Chevy Blazer street racer. I don't know crap about working on cars, but I love walking around a shop like this listening to the employees shoot the shit with each other, the noise of the pneumatic guns whirring away and the smell of motor oil and car exhaust. I could hangout there all day.

The M3 is riding smoother than ever and the road noise is much lower on the new Yokohamas.

CCI Motorsports
4870 Merriam Drive,
Overland Park, KS
913. 766.3672

Porche 944 - The German Siren

2010-05-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

The Porsche 944 is like a mildly good looking girl. When its all cleaned up, splash of makeup on, looks amazing and you say to yourself "That's a nice car, I should get one."

Then you see it looking like this running an afternoon errand to the hardware store and you're like "Jaysus, would you look at that, she's looking rough" and you're glad you didn't leave your current car after all.

If the Porsche 944 was launched today, we might be tempted to call it a Hatchback or if we were being very generous a Liftback. Maybe at a great, big, giant stretch of the imagination the 944 could be reinvented as a Shooting-Brake. For now we'll leave this sports car on our 80s excess of desire list like Kim Wilde or Olivia Newton-John.

And for old time's sake let's get Physical with Olivia

2010-05-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

"Right, listen here, I got it...we'll take a really great looking Japanese car, change it till it looks like a pig's ass, put Dodge badges on it and call it the Stealth, people will flock to our showrooms. Success." Can you imagine this pitch at Chrysler back in 91 and then the other fool who actually green lighted the project?

The Mitsubishi 3000GT (GTO JDM) is still a fantastic looking car, a true Japanese Ferrari, especially in red. The first time I saw one I actually thought it was an Italian Stallion and my mind was blown when I realized it was a Mitsubishi. It has a design that will endure and inspire future generations of car enthusiasts and designers.

Fast forward 10 years and I'm living Stateside and I start seeing these certain ugly cars made by Dodge that look vaguely familiar. Then it hits me, like a Chrysler Group marketing man jumping off a building, somebody fucked up a 3000GT.

I get infuriated when I see a Stealth on the road. Like when you see a beautiful building that has been tagged by graffiti and you just can't understand why someone would do such a thing to a piece of art.

And don't get me started on the fecking monkey who pitched the idea of the Eagle Talon...ahhhhhhh! What were they thinking back then, no wonder Chrysler got into such a mess.

They made it look like a Ford Probe or something else totally redundant

The wheels remind me of a washing machine, even this girl walking past is grossed out

"Yeah, and we'll put a boomerang shaped little spoiler on it..."

"And you know the way the 3000GT looks good from the front, well we'll make sure the Stealth doesn't."

This video is practically saying "An old car in a barn is more of a car than your brand new Dodge Stealth."

Porsche 928

2010-04-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

I remember reading the figures for the Porsche 928 when I was a car-stat obsessed kid and always remember thinking 'look at that top ffing speed.' Depending on the model year it was rated anywhere from about 150mph to 184mph in its final GTS production spec. A seriously fast car, even by today's standards.

Front-engined Porsches definitely split opinion in the general car media. But all bias aside, who the hell is going to argue with a 5L V8 in a Porsche? Now a lame 924 or an underpowered 944 is another story altogether.

Two other things that make the 928 attractive to my old memories are: One, and this could be complete bullshit, Richard Pryor the comedian had one and used to keep it in Ireland and it was parked outside Sweet News in Killybegs one day and we all got to touch it. Secondly, it was featured in the computer game Chase HQ and that game was pretty nutz in its day, but looks like complete crap today.

This 928 is not perfect close up, looks like a daily driver rather than a garage queen. But sitting there on a small side street in candy apple red it draws you in like a moth to a flame. One hell of a sexy car and look at that big ol' butt! Makes you wanna spank it.

I asked about it and was told that a local fella who had worked in the oil business bought it in Texas and brought it back with him when he moved. Whatever the story, seeing a car like this makes you wonder if Porsche will truncate the current Panamera and give birth to a modern 928. Seeing this car made my day.

1982 Mini

2010-04-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Here's the perfect way to follow up the post about Linh's Mini. I saw this great looking little Mini in the gravel parking lot at the back of O'Malley's Pub in Weston. I saw it out of the corner of my eye from the road. Not a big fan of the color, some BRG would be much nicer.

Standing beside this car makes you realize how big the New Mini is compared to its forebearers. This was one of those cars that made you feel like you could have picked it up and taken it with you, like when you see a Smart Car today.

My brother went through a phase of grass-track racing Minis in Northern Ireland and for a few years our driveway looked like a Mini graveyard. With mad young fellas like that around, it's a wonder there are any old Minis left on the road.

This is the perfect cheeky little Mini in this video to go with these images:

Mini Me - 2008 Mini Cooper

2010-04-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Linh's blue and white Mini Cooper fits her perfectly; small and tons of fun. We ordered this car new from Baron and got to go through the whole Mini delivery experience. They make it so you feel like you are having a child. They give you updates like "Your Mini just rolled off the line in Oxford," "Your Mini just arrived at Customs in Baltimore and we changed its diaper."

Our previous two cars had been Nissans and the customer service difference between them and Mini is just not even comparable. We've had a few minor problems with the Mini since it arrived, but for the most part it has been a wonderful experience being in the Mini family.

You often get that wink and nod from other Mini drivers and once when driving over the Pig Trail in northern Arkansas we got the full flashing lights, horn honk, hand out the window and yell from a fellow Mini driver. Put a big grin on our faces.

Our dog Apollo gives his sniff of approval

See, the Mini is huge, the guy on the left is 6' 2"

I love taking the Mini out and making it remember its Rally Heritage

Rambler - "The Kenosha Cadillac"

2010-04-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to Weston, about to head over the Broadway Bridge, when I saw this Rambler. I am far from an expert on older American cars, so out of curiosity I had to snap a few pictures to look it up when I got home.

Turns out that what I spotted was a (or close to) a 1965 Rambler Classic 770 Convertible. You don't see many on the roads in and around KC making it something of a rarity. I imagine the owner was pretty pleased with himself driving this super cool car, the kind you could imagine Don Draper driving in Madmen.

When I googled the name of the car the first entry that turned up were the lyrics to a funny song about a Cadillac and a Nash Rambler. Which made me think of the video I shot here when I caught the Rambler further up the road. I listened to the song on Youtube and it was so bad that I can't post it here out of consideration for your ears. Look it up at your peril.

I love seeing cars like this being driven out on the road. They don't want to be kept in a garage under a cover, they want to breath air on the open road and show-off their stuff. So to you Mr. Rambler driver, I salute you. Happy Motoring.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Pontiac Firebird

2010-04-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

When I was down at the car wash the other day I saw this neglected Pontiac poking out between some metal girders. It was rusted to crap and looked like sh*t, but the gold race wheels gave a glimpse into what was at one time a very desirable American dream.

Growing up in Ireland, where a souped-up Ford Escort was a hot car in the 1980s, to see a car like this on the A-Team, Knight Rider or the Fall Guy, just sent your heart pumping for an ostentatious American car with its growling V8 and screeching tires. These cars were like playmates, to the supermodels of European car makers; desire Vs lust.

It looks like a third generation Firebird/Trans Am, but from behind the fence it was hard to tell exactly what year. Maybe a Firebird Formula or a GTA?

The forgotten and abused car made me think of a broken dream, a lost promise. Perhaps, back in the summer of '86 some young couple went cruising around KC in this car feeling like royalty, not a care in the world. But as all dreams end, something must have happened for this car to end up in such bad shape. It made me think of that Journey song...you know the one "Just a small town girl..."

1976 AMC Matador - Tim's Work in Progress

2010-04-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

Tim got the Matador (Maddy) a little over a year ago and has been patiently bringing her back to life. He's been scouring Internet forums for advice, asking old-guy mechanics what they think he should do for this and that part and Maddy has been into a garage or two for more than a little TLC. To watch Tim nurture the Matador is to see the ultimate example of; a labor of love.

I drove him down to KCK when he had a new exhaust put on her last Spring. Cornetto was on blocker duty, playing Smoky to Tim's Bandit, when he was trying to taker her up the road without the old Po-Po catching up with him. People see the 70s relic and smile, instantly seduced and just can't help offering to help. Maddy's like a Siren singing us to our death upon the automotive-rocks in a sea of thick motor-oil.

Maddy has become a permanent fixture now and we love seeing that sun-burnt orange boat at the side of their house when we pull up for some good BBQ at chez Klein-Roy. I catch myself staring at her, looking at those lines and they amaze me every time. In comparison to their 70s ancestors, modern cars have become numb and desynthesized. Apart from Bangle when he was at BMW, who is going to put their design career on the line and produce a body with such lines and textures? There is something we car people love about impracticability and the 1976 AMC Matador hits a lot of those points.

When helping Tim's lady friend clean up some crud for the estate sale this week, I actually found the original set of keys for the Matador and gave them to Tim. He looked like a kid who got exactly what he wanted for Christmas when I gave him that old set of keys.

The Matador has been in the family since new and with the care and attention Tim lashed upon her, I'd say it will be in the family for years to come. We can't wait to see Maddy when she's all finished and on the road and I know I'll want to go for a ride, sitting up front, three abreast in the giant bench seat.

In the meantime here's a quick video and some pic's of the old girl.

Jeep Gets a Hummer

2010-04-02T18:41:00.000-07:00

I was down in the City Market last week and I parked behind this cool looking Jeep Wrangler. Then I nearly shit my pants laughing when I read what was on the side of it.

I know most H2s are bought more for the bling and rappersque attributes, but you just know this Wrangler owner loves driving around town, with his trail rated machine, giving the middle finger to their owners.

NSX - Japanese Supercar

2010-03-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

The Honda NSX (Acura in the US) seemingly came out of nowhere and shook-up the establishment in 1990. Ayrton Senna, honed it to perfection and being Japanese, it brought reliability to the Supercar world.

The NSX is still a sexy looking car after 20 years, sure its name even sounds like SEX...NSX. Honda have a new one released, but currently only for GT racing. Rumors about a production ready model are beginning to surface and with the world wide fan base of the NSX, it should be a no-brainer.

I suppose there are a ton of arguments for and against the NSX being a Supercar, but as far as I'm concerned, anything that looks like this, sure is. Never mind being mid-engined, rear wheel drive, light weight, built by a world champion F1 team...etc...

I saw this NSX the other day when I was having lunch at Happy Gillis. I walked over to it and was a little surprised to see how dirty it was. Usually when you see a car of this caliber it practically blinds you from fresh-wax-shinyness. The wife's friends has a NSX and his looks like it should be in an auto concourse every time I see it, but not this NSX, it might as well have been a Honda Civic daily driver.

Then, the second surprising thing happened when we saw the owner get in and drive away. We supposed it belonged to some young fella with more money than sense and I looked around the restaurant and saw some likely suspects. But when two old guys about my grandfather's age got in and took off, I was blown away. You know what they say about books and their covers. I hope I'm driving a car like an NSX when I'm their age.

As Bono would say "It's a beautiful day"

2010-03-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

Finally a beautiful day in KC, after the sudden snow storm at the weekend trailing on the end of the longest winter in living memory. Brought the M3 in for a quick wash and drove around all day with the top down. I love topless weather.

On the way home along SW BLVD I cam across this beauty of an old Mercedes. I love the color, especially since turquoise is the official color of 2010 (I learned that from the genius wife graphic designer).

I didn't want to get too personal and take photos of the interior, but I can tell you that it was immaculate.

And here's the perfect song for driving on a day like this.

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss

2010-03-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

Remember that song by PM Dawn sometime about 1991? Well, it's got nothing to do with the motorsport that is Drifting. I'm not going to bore you with a repeat of the history of the sport, you can go to wikipedia for that yourself.

I'm just gonna say it looks like fun, everyone's doing it and I haven't a clue how they score the winners. Oh, and if you haven't seen the Japanese movie Initial D, you need to, especially if you like drifting and tofu.

Here's a little 101 on drifting if you want to give it a go yourself.

The Fiesta is Back

2010-03-10T21:58:00.000-08:00

Most people will think the Fiesta is a new car to the US market when they see the new Ford on the road later this year. It was sold here from 1978-1980 as a 1.6L with several trim levels. It was then replaced by the Escort, which sucked balls. Ford have had a few demo models driving about the country for the last year and it's certainly creating interest.

Here's some photographic evidence that the original Fiestas are still here and still on the road. After living in the US for 10 years this is the only Fiesta I've ever seen.

The new Fiesta is a pretty sexy looking car and to meet US market needs there will be a sedan offered too. This option I'm not too excited about, all I'm gonna say is Yaris sedan...gross. All right, while I'm on my sedan rant, who the hell made the decision to NOT launch the new Focus hatchback in the US? Who? I want to know.

Photos sourced from 1 2 3

A Fiesta like this will have Ken Block behind the wheel in WRC action this year. Now if we can only get one that looked like this on the road.

Ford are heading in the right direction in offering a small car of this quality to a market that right now have the option of a Mini Cooper or a Mini Cooper S or wait for it a Mini Cooper Clubman (S)!

This 600BHP version will not be available at your local Ford Dearlership

Life after the Autobahn

2010-03-08T15:31:00.000-08:00

The dream every BMW has coming off the line in Bavaria is one where the engines are always well oiled, they will sip only premium fuel, and their owner is something of a car enthusiast. They will cruise down the Autobahn at an electronically controlled 155mph, and enjoy weekend jaunts in the country side where they will blare their naturally aspirated straight six all the way to the red line. A very respectable life for a very respectable car.

However, as the above photos show this is not always the case. From lord of the Autobahn to pizza delivery boy and then this poor 733i being used as an actual trash receptacle.

Like an old nag put out to pasture, rather than face this cruel fate they should have been sent to the glue factory.

Watch this video to see how old BMWs should end their lives, pretty cool video

M3 Not Going Anywhere Fast

2010-02-27T17:42:00.000-08:00

When you buy a BMW M3 convertible, you imagine cruising at speed along your favorite back road in July or August. You love the way the semi-slick tires slide the car's arse out at even a dab of the loud peddle. Then you remember you live in Kansas City and it's been sh*tty since Thanksgiving and you can't even get your car out of the drive way.

So, you have to borrow your wife's front wheel drive Mini and leave the sad Bavarian frozen like a block of ice, in the hope that next week the sun will come out...cue orphan Annie singing.

Subarus are the New Volvos

2010-02-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

Yes, this Subaru is actually stuck in place, look at all the tow bar scrapes on the ground

Right, I've had this theory for quite a while now, with no way to prove it...until I spent almost three weeks in Portland, Oregon.

See, there is a certain type of person, and for the past decade or more they've been inclined to drive older Volvo sedans and Wagons (especially the wagons, and especially the 200 series).

These people see themselves as outdoorsy, even if that is only driving to the mall, they dress up in L.L. Bean and North Face gear. The men like their hair unkempt and a little bit of facial hair, depending on their occupation. The women are similar with longer unkempt hair and less facial hair. They always look like they are either going for or returning from a hike. And the Volvo wagon is the car they use to drive to the hypothetical trail head.

They aren't what you would call "car people," they don't get a stiffy when Porsche announce the latest update to a 911 GT3 RS, but for some mysterious reason they are deeply loyal to their Volvos. And this is precisely the reason a lot of them are wandering over to the used Subaru market.

Their old Volvos were built in Sweden by Volvo, but then the Big Yankee American Uncle from Detroit bought them and decided to show the boys at Volvo how to make Swedish meatballs. When you've been flipping cheeseburgers for near a hundred years it doesn't really qualify you for the meatball game. Ford didn't think they would care, but these non-car people noticed. They no longer saw Volvos, but Ford Taurus' and Contours in drag where their boxy beauties used to be.

The bourgeois among this "class" can afford new Subarus and Subaru's PR and marketing team have done a great job telling them about all-wheel drive and the go anywhere attitude of their Outback wagon, ready to take on the malls and parking lots at a moments notice. But most of this class of people will be looking at older Subarus, no where near as old as their beloved Volvos. But as the Volvos get long in the tooth, scarcer and start to feel like very old cars, they look around the used car market, specifically they look for big dependable wagons and they see, glaring at them obviously, the Subaru Impreza and Legacy Outback wagons. And like some kind of Jungian car theory shift, they've all jumped ship, whether they're in the Midwest or the Pacific Northwest. Just like they all know to wear fleece jackets 365 days of the year: they all know Subaru is the new Volvo.

So, walking around Portland, in the rain, which is like saying, walking on earth breathing air, I got to see these people in their natural state. Some of them were holding on to their decaying Volvos, their babies duct taped into their car seats, others had made the move over to the Japanese Volvo, giving their off spring a better chance of survival in the more modern car with all wheel drive and airbags.

Cruising along the streets on foot I came across a used Mecca of Volvos. They had about twenty or thirty wagons and sedans, I'd say the had the whole 200 range covered from 1974 to 1993 when production ended. Some of them looking like they'd just arrived from 1985. Confirming the supply and demand theory I never listened to in my economic lectures.

So there is still hope for the Scandinavian loyalists, but eventually they'll have to face reality and move to Subaru, unless they are willing to choke down the Ford-parts-bin-Frankenstein that Volvos became post 1999.

Same people, two different cars and never the twain shall meet, whatever that means.

1989 Nissan Maxima

2010-02-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

Not exactly what you would call a beauty. Photo Sourced

Like putting lipstick on a pig - Photo CarDomain

It was the first car I bought after the Cherokee was stolen. I went for months just sharing my wife's car (then still just the girlfriend). Her car was a brand new 2002 Nissan Altima and was a beauty to drive. So when I went shopping for cars I was in not much of a hurry to give up my driving privileges in the Altima, but as the school year got busier and we needed the extra set of wheels my hunting began in earnest.

I budgeted about $2,000 dollars, borrowed from work at a rate that would make a loan shark feel faint. This being the new millennium and everything was going virtual with the Internet, I ignored the traditional methods of car shopping and started my search out in cyberspace.

I was new to eBay and after a few days of searching I found an awesome 1992 Mazada Miata that I wanted to bid on. I logged on every day for a week, watching the price climb ever higher and then down to the last few minutes where every bollox Jonesing for a Miata suddenly logged on and put the price through the roof. Fail!

Another couple of days of searching and I came across a 1993 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. Red with gold wheels, it looked the business. I always had a hard on for this slice of Americana automotive irrelevance, much to my own shame. It's kinda of like admitting to your friends that you do like fat chicks and no it wasn't just because you were drunk.

I kept my cards close to my chest this time and didn't bid to much, too often, I waited until the auction was down to its last few minutes and started bidding closer to my expected price. My newly acquired Internet savvy paid off and I won the auction. A $300 down payment secured my winning bid and I could pick the car up that weekend in El Dorado, Missouri; about two hours south of Kansas City.

Linh was very annoyed that we had to drive so far to collect the car, mostly because just a few weeks before I drove her all the way to St. Joseph to look at a similar car that looked like it just arrived from a demolition derby. But I showed her the pictures of the car and the seller's description and she agreed to drive down with me. God bless her.

After driving forever out into the heart of rural Missouri we pulled up in front of a small used car dealership. I went into the shop with the print-out of my winning bid in my hand and met the man I was going to relieve of one 1993 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP.

He looked friendly, in that six foot five hillbilly way that Missouri country boys possess. He was genuinely excited to meet us and show us THE CAR. We went out the back of the shop and there she was parked in the gravel and mud. From a distance it looked like the pictures on the Internet, but like a mirage it began to dissolve the closer I walked towards it.

The bodywork was terrible, cracks in the spoilers, paint scrapes and broken door mirrors and that was the good news. Inside, and I kid you not, there was mouse shit on the seats, little pellets of poo. Like who the feck sells a car and shows it with mouse shit on the seats? There was what looked like moss growing on the back of the passenger seat and the driver's seat was not affixed. I sat in it and it went all the way back, almost tossing me into the mouse shit in the back seat.

The seller came over with the keys, still genuinely excited, and handed me the keys with the notion that I take it for a test drive with two warnings "smoke comes out of the steering column when you put on the turn signal and the brakes aren't the best."

I could tell from the look on Linh's face that she didn't want to go anywhere in the mouse shit trap and wanted to go straight home. But for some dumb reason I insisted on taking it for a wee drive. We had come all this way after all.

The quick drive affirmed everything we knew was wrong with the car. A small fire in the steering column and plenty of power with no way of stopping. Linh told me to get back to the shop before we killed ourselves.

"So what do you think?" said the big fella now at the front counter of his shop with a weirdly placed wrench on the counter top. He could tell that we were not happy and with the placement of the wrench you could tell he was preemptive in his sales techniques. He knew the car was a sour lemon. Luckily he never had to use the wrench and we spoke civilly, as much a a hillbilly can and we left for KC a few minutes later and he promised to return the down payment. Linh handed me a large bag of "I told you so"s, for the drive home.

After a few days the check wasn't coming and a month of nasty emails ensued, especially after the second place auction highest bidder called me to find out why I didn't take the car. I was honest, even about the mouse shit. Ebay put us in arbitration, but to cut a long story short, I lost my money and gave up on eBay forever.

So I went back to the old fashioned pounding the pavement of used dealerships in the KC Metro area. I saw a lot of shit and met a lot of nice people and saw some great cars and met some people that you wouldn't bring to meet your mother-in-law.

I eventually found my car at a lot half way between the wife's parent's house and Diamond Joe's Strip Club in North Kansas City. It was a gold 1989 Nissan Maxima which left me with a little change from my $2000 budget.

After I bought it I had a friend look it over at his shop and he confirmed my suspicion that the engine was a lot younger than the car and he told me I'd got myself a bargain.

There was a few holes in the body work and I learned how to fill them myself and sealed the spare wheel well and replaced all the bulbs and indicator lights.

The car was perfect for driving up to Park University and over to my job at Pierpont's and the car never gave me a single pause in the years that I owned it. Although, an indicator did blow off the side of the car in high wind (my fault, I didn't seal it after I replaced the bulb.)

After college graduation the car saw less and less drive time, to the point where I took it off the insurance and put it in the garage with a cover over it. I'd covered maybe five thousand miles during the three years that I owned it.

A neighbor heard I had the car stowed away and told his cousin about it. He showed up one day with $1600 cash in his hands and with his lack of English and my lack of Spanish, I wasn't even sure I wanted to sell the car, we made a deal somehow and I was a few dollars richer and no poorer for passing on what was truly an ugly, but sound car.

So, if you cross a Rolls with a Ferrari you get a Nissan Maxima, mmh?

Wacky Racers

2009-07-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

I was reading Car Magazine this week and they had a great article about real life Wacky Racers, commissioned by Lord Marsh for the Goodwood Festival of Speed and they are going to be on show this Fourth of July Weekend (2009).

So, I went onto YouTube this morning and wasted about an hour of my time watching old episodes of The Wacky Races. I still want to be Peter Perfect in his Turbo Terrific and Penelope Pitstop is still smoking hot.

I also learned the cartoon was inspired by a 1965 movie called The Great Race, staring Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis, and that lead to another hour of time wasting on YouTube.

So if you are like me and you love cars and cartoons, do yourself a favor and waste some time watching this great classic.

1991 Jeep Cherokee Limited

2009-05-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

Impulse shopping is not something I indulge in often, I can walk around a GAP sale and want a hundred things and walk out with out spending a dime, but put $3500 in my hand and point me in the direction of a four-wheel temptress and I'll blow the whole lot in seconds.

My CRX was going fine, no problems at all other than it wasn't a Jeep Cherokee. I started snooping around the classifieds on Sunday mornings and logging on to AutoTrader way too often. I was getting the bug, every time a Cherokee drove past me on the road I was salivating.

I needed some expertise help as I wanted a good, clean, reliable car. My friend Adam was the right man for the job: he was from Iowa and drove an old truck, the perfect Cherokee hunter.

The first one we looked at was a mess, they were looking for $800 for it and Adam said it wasn't even worth $500, so we let it pass. There was another one close by so we headed over there to check it out and the lady at the door said the car would be back in a few minutes. So we waited and ten minutes later the $800 piece of crap showed up again. We jumped into Adam's truck and got the hell out of there.

Half an hour later we were in a much nicer neighborhood and looking at an immaculate 1991 black and gold Jeep Cherokee Limited. I literally jizzed in my pants at first sight.

I should have played hardball and haggled the price down, but I didn't I just told the guy I'd be back in a few day and have all the paperwork ready.

I never got a chance to feel buyer's remorse as the entire KC area got hit by an ice-storm and the Cherokee's four wheel drive proved invaluable. I was an errand boy for my friends and one of the few people able to show up for school at Park. With five seats I was able to bring loads of chicks out to the bars, to paraphrase Swingers "I was so money."

I once came to a road blocked by a timber log and with images of the A-Team van crashing through a secured gate I backed her up and bust through...it was a priceless moment in car ownership.

Fast forward 6 months and the Cherokee is parked outside my new girlfriend's house (this one became The Wife). I got up in the morning to drive to school and looked out onto the street and didn't see it. At first I thought I must have left it at work the night before, but no, I drove it home and parked it right out front. It was stolen, bollocks.

After a lot of BS with the police department in KCK I found her at a wrecking yard, compacted by about 3 feet. I could have cried and the pisser was I'd just paid $300 on new brakes and rotors. It was a short lived relationship with the Cherokee, but not a moment of regret.
Check out this fast Cherokee

Here is the inspiration for most of my Jeep driving

Rally Breed

2008-10-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

Pictures Sourced from - Mitsubishi EVO, Corolla Twin Cam, Opel Manta

Ford Escort Cosworth

Kenny McKinstry goes “right into crest, left 90, ” Gwendaff Evans in a pink Ford Escort Cosworth spitting fire from its exhaust around Phoenix Park, David Llewellyn in a Castrol coated Toyota Celica leaping into the air at 100 miles an hour: poetry and mechanical madness embraced by a small, esoteric segment of the populous.

As youngsters our Dad brought us into the fold and we embraced the culture like hungry pups on a fat nipple. Up the back of Clar chapel, inches from the graves, perched on a freezing-cold stonewall. Marshals in yellow bids blow their whistles and yell for people to get off the road. The first car to come around the corner is a wee Starlet, hammering on at a speed that is was never meant to do while picking up groceries from the car park at Dunne’s Stores. Followed by a black Opel Manta, spiting chips in the air from the back wheels and a fat lip stuns me for a second, a cool drip of blood mixing with the taste of adrenaline.

A while later and arses still numb from the cold there’s another stage down towards lough Eske. We park and walk along with the hoards of rally nuts. License plates from the North, from Mayo, Galway and Cavan, attracted to the thrill of speed in their wanna-be rally cars – Subaru’s and Twin Cams, old 3 series BMs and a souped up old-school-Supra.

We get a great spot where we might see a car roll on a high-speed natural chicane, so Dad says. The first cars come through cautiously, just nipping the green edges of the road, then the big boys come rallying through at blistering speeds. Modified and broken exhausts howl through the ears at deafening decibels and sure enough the back diff of a Twin Cam can’t control the power and she slides off, the driver barely straightening her up inches from a solid famine wall.

The blood in the veins of these men is like thick oil, lubricating their hot, over-boiling hearts. White knuckles, pace notes, adrenaline at full pump, eyes darting to see over the next crest, a special breed of evolved man, evolved from farm lads and mechanics, soon to be engineers. Men that consider a Massey Ferguson an alternative mode of transport.

Another day and my arse is still cold sitting on the wooden-slat seats of Mondelo Park. Will Gallop’s 6R4 is blazing around the place like a demented supersonic gnat. More than 420bhp ripping through the back wheels in a wee car based on your Granny’s Metro was complete insanity. Banned from group B rallying years ago and found a new home on the rally cross circuit. Along with old RS 200s, Audi Quatros and Lancia Delta Intergrales.

We walk through the infield to warm up; Josie McCloskey has a funny hat on, looks like a tire warmer and big Pat Johnson is cracking another joke and Jimmy is egging him on. Dad and Derek are watching a pit crew re-treading tires as it looks like it’ll be wet.

We had to leave the house at five this morning to get down here in time for the qualifying. The big 5 series BMW was redlined all the way out of Donegal, across the Petigo Road, never under a hundred through Fermanagh and up to 150 through Cavan. A few years later on the Virgina Road a wee boy would be killed and the cops would put an end to the speed too late.

The drive down had been as exciting as some of the driving that day, until Gollop celebrated his win by doing donuts on the manicured grass in the in-field. Totally maddened the folks in charge as they called out over the loudspeaker system for other drivers to refrain from doing the same, but the crowd was going wild. Grass roosters were shooting twenty feet up the air as he ploughed the field with his Metro.

The night before the Birmingham motor show we drove down to Dublin in the Pajero and Dad got pulled over on the Virginia Road and when the young Garda asked him if he knew how fast he was going he said “No” and the cop said “86mph” and Dad stupidly replied “I didn’t think she would go that fast” and the cop said “That and plenty more.” Then he gave the whole people dying on roads speech. Dad had a silly grin on his face ‘cause he knew he was in trouble.

The next day in Birmingham as we walked through the parking lot of the NEC admiring all the fancy cars, a security man came up quietly behind us ready to apprehend the three of us! We had to quickly explain that we were just car enthusiasts and we’re on our way into the show. He looked at us like he didn’t believe us, but after a long awkward moment he let us go and just told us to not look so obvious, especially with those Northern Irish accents, must have thought we were a bunch of terrorists! So off we went to hear Jeremy and Tiff do their car stand-up routine.

Will Gollop was in there to meet us in his usual black, red and gold livery, but this time plastered all over the body of a wide body Peugeot 306, a total beast of a machine. He was putting around 600hp down around the track, setting a pretty amazing pace. Then came a whole herd of blue Scoo-barus with 555 logos and the essential gold wheels. I think wee Colin McCrae was behind the wheel of one of them, years before he would become one of the most famous men in racing with video games based on him, bags of world titles under his kilt and a persona that made you wanna be him flying through a forest road with NO FEAR. Like many bright stars, his burned out early, fecking helicopters.

Back in ‘88 or ‘87 his Dad, Jimmy, battled Bertie Fisher in their near identical blue and white Sierra Cosworths in the Circuit of Ireland. Our hometown of Killybegs was a stopping point for them and Derek and I were in car-porn heaven with all the mad rally cars parked in the town. That weekend was the first time I saw a real M3 in the flesh, or a Cossie for that matter. I stared at them in awe, as a French farmer might a UFO if he found it in his asparagus patch. I reached out and touched them, slid my hand over their big rear spoilers and could still feel the heat radiating off their exhausts. These were the fantasy machines that only existed on telly or in a magazine and now here they were in fish-stinking-Killybegs. A visit from the Pope would have extracted less revere from me.

You don’t see the likes of them anymore, only an EVO or STI can instill that kind of passion in a young boy’s heart these days. I’ll glance at a Ferrari when one passes me, like once every three months on average, it’s the least appreciation I can give a piece of art. But five or six Scoobie and EVOs could pass me in a single day and I’ll stop and stare, crane my neck, nearly run off the road looking at them every time, much to the annoyance of my wife “Jesus Christ, just dive!” You know when archeologists and the like find some fish off the waters of Africa that they thought had been extinct for millions of years, but then it’s in some fisherman’s net, a living fossil, well, that’s kind of what EVOs and STIs are. Supras and Celicas are gone, M3s have become soft luxury cars. The last of a dying breed, I lament and paraphrase; Where Have all the Good Cars Gone.

Richard Burns died not long ago, McCrae is driving the big gold wheeled Subaru in the sky. None of the newer drivers make me wanna use their name in my head when I’m driving. We, the rally breed, need new heroes and often in a time of need they come from the strangest place, like Krypton, but this time it might be America, the good old US of A. They aren’t known for their rally skills, but your man Pastrana having leaned his skills from McCrae knows how to fling a car around. And he’s got the youth and charisma to spawn an entire generation of rally half-breeds. The next day I’m trying to go sideways in my M3, I think I will be him in my head; fast, ferocious and fearless. Until my wife yells at me.

Maybe what I really need is to go on a man trip with Dad and Derek. Find some nice cold, soggy weather and stand around with my hands in my pockets for a ten second glimpse at the arse end of a Corolla Twin Cam. To stand among men who worshiped the back-wheel-drive diff of a carbureted, not injected, Twin Cam 16v. Men who after the races will drive home sideways, with death only a heart beat away.

1991 Honda CRX

2008-10-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

My car looked more like the first picture than the second one, but with Walmart hubcaps.

With the CRX coming back, I could be tempted again...

My first real Japanese; slick, sexy and fast. This was the other woman I was checking out while the Colt was in getting her surgery. A used car lot down in Kansas City, Kansas had her into Bob's to get a full service. I asked Bob what he thought of it and he said it was sound.

It was way out of my price range at the time, but I got Dad back in Ireland to send me a small loan, one I'd pay-off during the summer.

Even though only three years younger than the Colt, it was light years ahead in power and refinement. Almost felt like a modern car. It's tuned 1.6 liter engine revved freely all the way to the red line every time. Reminded me of the AX Gti that I use to have.

The blue CRX was my first automatic car and my left leg didn't know what to do with itself for the first few hundred miles in that car. But at times traveling at over a hundred miles an hour on hwy 152 at three in the morning my brain-sensory more than made up for the loss in my left leg.

The CRX was a complete workhorse of a car. It would go anywhere, anytime, anyhow and even though it was a two-seater, it had a trunk that was enormous, you could have easily fit five dead bodies in there on a desert run if you found yourself in such a predicament; a Japanese mafia man's dream.

It made the weekly 183 mile run to North-East Missouri a breeze. A fill of gas went forever and back then when gas was practically been giving away for free, I could fill it for about twelve bucks.

Only problem I ever had was to change the water pump after a year or more of hard driving. However, since I was living out in the country I took her on a lot of dirt roads and into fields that should be the preserve of 4x4s. I could have opened a coffee shop with the amount of donuts I made in the fields. One night I tried to go up a little hill and the dart shaped nose of the CRX stuck into the side of the grass hill, like er, a dart. I had to back her out, pull a bunch of grass out from the front grill and learn to live with a split front splitter.

A few years later I posted her for sale in the KC Star and a young man in King City, MO desperately in want of a CRX answered the add and when I saw his sad little face and hundreds short of the asking price, I practically gave him the car. I felt a sweet car like that, needed a sweet driver like him. It was like giving a child up for adoption, my little Japanese orphan.

Can you believe "Extra Window" was a selling point?

1989 Dodge Colt

2008-10-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

Picture sourced from click here

This is what mine looked like, but imagine this car after a drive-by-shooting

This is the Mitsubishi sister car - nice paint swishes

Oh, how the mighty have fallen; it was the fall of 1999 and I was a freshman in college at Park University and not a four-wheeled-internal-combustion-engine to my name. My school year started back in January and got myself to and from class on either on my trusty blue steed with pedals, completely frozen in the winter months, or caught a ride with some nice kind, caring person. This was a fine way to get about, but now with the addition of a girlfriend who lived exactly 183 miles from my door to her's and I wasn't going to cycle all that way.

The maintenance-man at the Heartland Center was fixing up two old cars for his son and said that one of them was coming up for sale if I was interested. It was a sliver 1989 Dodge Colt, with a four speed manual transmission. I should have said "No, I'd rather keep my sanity" but I really wanted the freedom of having a car: common sense always looses to passion. $800 later I was the proud owner of one dented silver bullet or grocery getter as my American compadres liked to call it.

After the Dodge Colt (re-badged Mitsubishi Colt for the US market) was fixed up, it was pretty reliable, well at least $800 worth of reliability. Except for one or two minor oddities which I discovered the first night the car was in my possession on my first 183 mile, each way, trip to my girlfriends.

The first wasn't too bad: when I put on full beams, the engine cut out. So, I just didn't use full beams, ever. DWS, Driving while squinting, became a terrible habit.

The second was a little more worrisome. Sometimes after coming to a full stop, like at a gas station in Macon, Missouri, at midnight, the car refused to start and I had to jump start it on the fly. Luckily enough, the Colt didn't weight too much and with time I found I could push her, jump in and needed no help.

When I began hearing a funny noise while turning the wheel, and after a few ill-advised midnight trips to see the girlfriend, I took the Colt to Bob at Northland Auto, . He replaced both CV joints and found I had a bad battery connection and that's why she was cutting out at a stand still. He fixed the CV joints and I found that by rocking the car back and forth, the battery made a good connection and I could be on my merry, scholarly way, never late for school again.

Then the key got stuck in the ignition, so I left it there and carried another in my pocket. Then I had to take her back to Bob at Northland Auto and he put in a new CV arm. That day as I drove it back home, the new CV arm popped out and I had it towed back to his shop.

I collected her the next day, as I had a big date with my girl and I was really excited to spend the whole weekend with her. But just a few miles further than I'd made it the day before, the accelerator pedal stopped working as I was approaching an intersection. I pulled over and popped the hood, flames three feet high attempted to burn my eyebrows off.

I grabbed anything of value out of the car, my school books, my tapes and CDs and I had my blue steed strapped to the rear, so I flung her off into the ditch and stood back waiting for the silver bullet to implode! But a very helpful young off-duty police officer, pulled up along side and casually dosed the flames with his fire extinguisher and called the Fire Department just in case.

Once again towed back to Bob at Northland Auto. A bunch of money later, car rewired, new throttle cable, I was back on the road, but my short lived love affair with this car was over and I had my eye on another.

A friend from school was in need of a cheap car and for a few hundred bucks, I handed over my woes to her with full knowledge of the past few months history. Grocery getter begone!

1996 Fiat Bravo

2008-10-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

picture sourced from

This is the same color as mine and ironically this one ended up in a wreckers yard too

I don't know who the wee fauline is, but my Bravo never looked this good

With the payments from Black Beauty (Citroen AX Gti), I got to drive away in a brand new Fiat Bravo 1.4. It was "lilac" blue, very light blue, almost gray, not a definitive color, the kind of color you can never make your mind up about.

It lacked the raw power of the Gti, but the creature comforts were a thousand fold improved. I could now talk to the person in the passenger seat and the radio was built into the car and worked.

I put a pair of DTM style wheels on her, had the bumpers and mirrors color coded and that made her look a lot more sporty, nothing like the full Arbath kit, but sexy all the same. The calmer nature of the car, seemed to calm me down too, I didn't drive quite so hard.

There were no real problems with the Bravo except that when I put it in reverse the horn honked. The dealership in Sligo had to completely rewire it at no cost to me.

I took her on a road trip to Edinburgh in Scotland and it was a pleasure to drive on the motorways and really fun on the small cross country Scottish roads.

I went off to College later that year and everyone in the house would use the Bravo, it was the perfect car for sharing. My sister put a scratch up the side of it and my mother ran the oil almost bone dry, but neither of their abuses amounted to squat compared to my brother Derek's experience.

I came home from college and Derek and the dogs met me at the front of the house as I came walking up the lane.

"I've got good news and bad news for you. Which do you want first?"

"I'll take the good news first" I said naively.

"Well, your air bags work and the bad news is your car doesn't"

Lots of explicative followed and total disbelief.

Derek had borrowed the car to got to Dublin with his girlfriend and on the way home in County Cavan, they went flying off the road, down a steep field and smashed into a tree. The car was totaled.

They towed it to a wrecker's yard in Inver and it was sold for as scrap. I saw it a year later all fixed up in Letterkenny and I felt a tingle of want in me, I even had the spare key on my keyring still. But she was gone, she was someone else' trouble now. Derek was a bollocks, but at least he wasn't killed or maybe I should have killed him.

Here's an appropriate video of a Bravo in a field

1993 Citroen AX Gti

2008-10-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

Some Portugese kid's car, but identical to my one and look sitting next to it is a lilac blue Bravo

I drove my AX like this a little too often

Photo courtesy of www.cardomaine.com

You never forget your first, whatever it may be. I was eighteen-years-old and Dad and I went on a mission to find a little hatchback for me to get around in while I was out of school for the year.

I had a Corolla or Civic in mind, or even a good looking Corsa/Nova. Something with a 1.2 or 1.4 engine to get me from A to B and sometimes to C.

Outside of Bundoran we found a beast of a Opel Corsa that someone had given a dose of steroids to. It had giant flared arches and bull wheels that would have fit a NASCAR, it was completely mad looking and I wanted it at first sight. Dad talked sense to me and we got back in his car and went further up the road.

In Sligo we stopped into the BMW dealership to see if they had any trades about the yard. They didn't have much, but Damien the salesman did mention that they had just got in a 1993 Citroen AX Gti on a local trade.

She was a beauty. Black as night, alloys, sunroof, an exhaust you could shove your fist up and electric everything inside. I didn't think Dad would go for it, but he said to take her for a test drive.

It went like a hot snot and sounded like a bad tempered child screaming in a grocery store. Dad drove it back to the dealership and said "Don't you think it's got a bit too much power?" I looked at him, pleading and an hour later we hit the road back to Killybegs and I was behind the wheel of The Black Beauty.

Life with the AX was schizophrenic. When it was just me in the car driving like a mad man racing whatever came along it was great, listening to the booming exhaust. But put a passenger in the front seat and it wasn't so great. Conversation was nigh on impossible and I couldn't get the radio to work most of the time, so I had taken to strapping my gettoblaster into the back seat for I.C.E.

I went everywhere fast. To and from work, over and back to Letterkenny to my girlfriends and up and down to Dublin. The AX was a little work horse when it needed to be.

Then on a rainy night on the way to Donegal Town, coming around a bad bend in Bruckless I lost control and sent my Black Beauty into a ditch. Bollocks.

I got her towed out, brought to a fix-it-man to get the dents out and then to a French car specialist to service the damage. That's when it was discovered that the car was bent, not from my accident, but from the previous owner. The guy at the Frenchy garage told me I'd been driving "a death trap."

A big denial from the BMW dealership followed, but a few phone call with a "I'm gonna sue your fucking arse" tone from Dad and they agreed to take the AX back and put the payments from the last few months towards another car.

It was a sad day departing from the AX, it was like dropping off your dysfunctional child at the orphanage in exchange for the golden child, little Peter Perfect.